In our last blog (We are Losing How Much to Conflict), we learned that getting crystal clear on “who you are” and “what you truly want” in any situation will help guide you to make wise decisions when facing any conflict at work.

Once we are clear on “who we are” and “what we want”, the next step is to determine what action to take.  How do we choose our actions wisely?  We ask ourselves:

What are our options?

2014 Blog Choose Actions Wisely Body Image

And here is the fun part; you get to look at all available options. Go crazy!

By asking yourself this question and searching for answers, you begin using the problem solving side of your brain more and the “reacting” side of your brain less.

Using our current example with Jack and Jill, Jack identified the following options:

1. Say nothing

(it is easy to say nothing  and there are other people on the board who can do the work)

2. Verbally annihilate Jill for being so irritating and irresponsible

(it feels good to be superior and indignant)

3. Fire her from the position and fill it with someone who is able to meet the commitment

(if she can’t honor her commitment, then why should I bother figuring out why)

4. Talk with Jill about the expectations of her position and ask her what her commitment is

(while this looks like it might be uncomfortable, it feels great to follow my intention)


After looking at the options, it is clear to Jack that Option 4 aligns with his statements of “who he is” and “what he truly wants”.

 “I am a leader who is committed and passionate about this charitable cause. I am a leader who wants to inspire accountability and greatness in those around me.”

“I want to foster a culture of accountability within this organization that attracts others who are committed and dedicated to this cause.”

He is committed to talking with Jill about the expectations of her position and remaining curious about what is in the way for Jill to honor her commitment.

To wisely choose our actions, we ask ourselves three questions specific to the situation:

Question 1:  WHO AM I? 

Question 2:  WHAT DO I REALLY WANT? 


Choose your actions wisely.  Tell us how this process works for you!